Title: The King's New Clothes

Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion). When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.

Disclaimer and such: See Chapter One.

Reminder: " ... " denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, ' ... ' denotes Elvish Speech, :: ... :: denotes thoughts, [ ... ] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.


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Chapter Two: Revenge is a dish best served with... Honey?!?


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Aragorn was supporting his wounded lover to the front gates of Imladris when the fair elven prince stopped in his tracks. Sweat was beaded on his brow and he looked pale and shaky.

'Oh, my love! I cannot go on! This grievous wound has claimed the last of mine strength... ' said Legolas as he fell to one knee.

Aragorn, trying not to drop all the picnic supplies on his beloved, threw them over his shoulder and went to his lover's side.

'Do not say that Legolas! We are almost there! We are at the gates of Imladris right now! Please... Just look up!' said Aragorn, leaning down to touch his lover's shoulder. Legolas lay a pale hand on his lover's gruff cheek.

'Please do not mourn long over my passing to the Halls of Mandos, my love! Maybe a decade or two... B-But no longer!' continued Legolas, oblivious as to what his lover had just told him. 'Alas! Now comes the winter of my life and here I am, afraid of the coming cold! HOLD ME ARAGORN!! 'Tis getting dark and I feel the cold hand of Death upon my shoulder...'

'Umm, Legolas? 'Tis but my hand... It *IS* cold outside.. What say you that we hurry inside where we can regain some warmth and have Elrond tend to your wound?' said Aragorn, trying his best to not sound condescending.

'I-I would like white flowers at my funeral... A-And I would like for everyone to be wearing Lothlorien white and silver! I have always loved those colours... I-I had planned to marry in them... ' He then lay his hand dramatically upon his brow. 'Oh, what a terrible fate has befallen the last elvenchild sired from the loins of the Elvenking of Mirkwood!' continued a rather delirious Legolas.

At the mention of Thranduil's loins, Aragorn scooped up Legolas, careful not to aggravate the wound where an orcist arrow still jutted out of his lover's behind, and hurriedly strode into the Last Homely House in search of his foster father.

You cannot blame the former ranger's haste. The quicker he got Legolas to Elrond, the quicker he could sneak into Elladan's room and oogle some back issues of PlayElf to get the mental picture of Thranduil's, or, for that matter, any older Elf Lord's, loins out of his mind..

He entered the House of Elrond like a man on a mission.


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In Aragorn's haste to find Elrond, he knocked over Elrond's twin sons who were on their way out to eat lunch in the front gardens.

'Watch where you are going, Estel! You almost made me spill my food tray!' cried out a rather peeved Elrohir. Aragorn did not notice and just continued on his way down the halls. 'Honestly! Youth today! Where is he off to in such a hurry?'

Elrohir looked to his twin who was still crouching on the floor.

'Elladan, you can get up now. He is gone...' said Elrohir. When his elder twin made no immediate move to rise right away, Elrohir bent down to face him. 'Elladan? Is all well?'

As Elrohir got a good look at his brother's face, peels of hysterical laughter were heard in the halls of Imladris.

Elladan just glared at his younger twin while honey, orange juice and pieces of apple and grapes clung to his now sticky complexion.

'It's not funny, Elrohir!' said the miffed twin as he tried to wipe his face. 'Dammit! There is honey in my hair! Oh, Estel is going to pay for this!'

Elrohir was now on his knees with his arms wrapped around his middle laughing at the plight of his twin.

'It's funny cuz it's not me!' Elrohir managed to gasp out in between sniggers. 'B-Besides, it serves you right. You and your odd tastes! Who, in the name of Elbereth, has honey with their fruit?' He then renewed his laughter as he saw a grape slide off his brother's nose and cling to the front of his tunic.

'Elrohir! It's not funny! Do you know how hard it is to get honey out of elven hair?'

Elrohir sobered and looked into his identical twin's blue eyes. 'As a matter of fact, brother dear, I do. Do you remember when we were but one thousand and eleven years of age and YOU put honey in MY hair?'

Elladan looked away from his brother's steely gaze and cleared his throat. 'Yes, well, that is in the past... This is the present and we must get back at Estel!'

'WE?' said an incredulous Elrohir, as he rose and dusted off his tunic. 'Why do *WE* have to get back at Estel?'

'Firstly, he knocked us both down in his haste to, what looked like, bed his lover.' Began Elladan.

'Very well, go on.' Said an unconvinced Elrohir. Sure, he was miffed that Aragorn had knocked them down but he had forgotten his anger once he saw his sibling's sticky features. It was one of the best laughs he has had since the whole "Glorfindel and the Shrinking Towel" incident. One of the twins' best pranks if he must say so himself.

'Secondly, we have not played a good prank in what seems like weeks! If anyone should be on the receiving end of one of our famous pranks it should be our esteemed King of Gondor and brother!'

Elrohir smiled as he thoughtfully rubbed his chin. 'You make a good argument, brother dear. Agreed. We shall get back at Estel to restore your hair's honour.. But how?'

Elladan smiled as another grape slowly made its way down his cheek. 'The easiest way to strike at an enemy is not through physical or psychological means... We should strike at the heart of the matter. *HIS* heart.'

The twins laughed. This was going to be sweet!

Elrohir stopped laughing and looked at his twin. 'I don't get it.'

Elladan smacked himself in the forehead. 'How can you be so dense, Elrohir?!? Think! Heart! *HIS HEART*!' When he was met with Elrohir's still clueless expression, he continued. 'We enlist Legolas's help!'

'Oh.' Was all Elrohir could say before he started to laugh again as he saw Elladan trying to pry his hand from his extremely sticky forehead.

::Note to self.:: thought the elder of Elrond's twins. :: Orange Juice and Honey makes a GREAT adhesive. ::


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TBC...